I remember going through a period of time feeling very sorry for myself!

I’m pretty sure I’m not alone here and that if you’re reading this you will resonate.

At the time I had gone though a number of major life changes, the main one involving me leaving the relative safety of a regular salary in the corporate world to set up my own business as a Psychotherapist and Hypnotherapist.  

I still recall the time because it later became a huge turning point for me.  It was a bank holiday weekend and I was spending it alone.  There was no one around and I had only myself and my thoughts for company.  Normally a pretty positive and up beat person, I felt I had sunk into a pit of misery, unable to shift my mood and each hour that passed felt like a lifetime.  I sat wondering if I had done the right thing going it alone with the business.  I felt lonely because it seemed like everyone was doing things that weekend with their family or partners and I wished with all my heart that I could find someone to share my life with.

With little energy for doing anything but wallow, I put on the film ‘Rabbit Proof Fence’, the true story of two Aboriginal girls who walked hundreds of miles in bare feet after being captured, in an attempt to get back home.  By the end of the film having gone through a box of tissues, I felt ashamed. 

I looked around my flat, with food in the fridge, clean clothes to wear, a bed to sleep in, a TV and internet and friends only a phone call away and realised I had nothing to feel sorry about in comparison.  Here were two women who experienced real suffering and hardship, but who never gave up.  And here was me feeling sorry for myself because Prince Charming had clearly lost use of his Sat Nav!

I am grateful I had that experience because sometimes it is only through our life experiences that we can find contrast.  In my case it was a wonderful reminder of what I had to feel grateful for and that happiness really is about your state of mind.  

How to feel happy!

Protect your subconscious mind

It can be easy to get sucked in to focusing on what you haven’t got or what you haven’t achieved.  Open most magazines or switch on the television and you will be plagued with stories of doom and gloom or adverts for things you ‘should’ own or ‘should’ be out doing.  Your subconscious mind controls about 95% of the show and whether you are aware of it or not, you will be absorbing these messages.  Start by making a conscious decision about where you place your focus of attention in relation to what you watch on TV and read.

Create positive expectation

We have the amazing gift of imagination, yet how many of you use it to play out a situation in your mind that ends with a negative outcome?  Misuse of your imagination is one of the biggest issues I see with my clients.

Take a moment to consider using all that energy to create a positive expectation of how things will work out.  See yourself going for an interview and imagine getting the job; imagine meeting someone who makes your heart sing; living where you want; doing something you always wanted to do.  As the Law of Attraction teaches us, we create our own reality by getting what we expect.  If you expect that things will fail, generally they will.  Are you better off to doubt or to hope?  Start by creating the life you want by training your thoughts to create positive expectations and notice how things start working out for you!

Change how you feel in any given moment

Whatever you are ‘feeling’ you can change in any moment with this powerful HeartMath breathing technique.  Your power is always in your now.  The first step is to acknowledge how you are feeling.  Don’t judge it, just notice how you are feeling and try and name the feeling.

 Then place your hand on your heart and slowly breathe in for the count of 6 and out for the count of 6. As you breathe, imagine you are breathing in and out of your heart.  Your heart is a primary generator of rhythm in your body, influencing brain processes that control your nervous system, emotion and cognitive function. When we are in heart coherence, we are in the place where we are in tune with our intuition, have clarity of mind and feel relaxed and happier.  Finally while maintaining your heart breathing and focus, activate a positive feeling.  The easiest way to do this is to think of a special place, someone you love or something you love doing.  Or you may have a memory of a time you felt happy, joyful, excited, grateful and so on.  Your mind remembers the feelings associated with those memories because they are stored as patterns in the brain.  The important thing is that you feel the emotion associated with the time, place or person.  Hold the feeling in your heart for a few minutes.

Get into gratitude

Gratitude thinking has been scientifically proven to boost your mood and happiness.  The simple act of thinking about 3 things you are grateful for each day not only gives you a lift, but it also impacts your health for the better.  When you create a feeling of gratitude, you release feel good chemicals in your body and change the feeling in your heart, which is the most powerful organ in your body.

Stick a post it note in the bathroom or by your bed, anything to help you create the habit of waking up and feeling grateful every day.

Find things to be happy about now

Listing 10 things that you do feel happy about not only helps you to appreciate what you have got in your life, feel happier but it also raises your energetic vibration.  When we lift our vibration, we change what we attract into our life.  Our thoughts carry energy, so we will get back what we put out.  Your list doesn’t have to be anything major, even just simple things like I feel happy I have friends in my life, I feel happy I have somewhere to live, I feel happy I have money to buy food, I feel happy with the direction my life heading in, I feel happy to have read this blog!

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Sara Maude

Sara Maude is an Edinburgh Hypnotherapist, Solution-Focused Psychotherapist, EFT Practitioner, Transformational Coach and International Wellbeing Trainer providing in-person and online sessions. Sara provides problem-free therapy which goes deep into the heart of the unconscious mind to create powerful lasting change.