Relationship Anxiety: 6 Signs and How to Overcome

Ah, relationship anxiety—the ultimate buzzkill! You’ve finally found someone who checks all the right boxes and doesn’t set off any catfish alarms after all that fishing in the dating pool.

In the early stages of a relationship, those initial sparks are flying, and you’re eagerly anticipating where things might lead. But then, there’s that other side of you—the anxious side—that decides to make an appearance.

Instead of feeling butterflies at the thought of him, your heart is racing with questions. Is he really into you? Why hasn’t he replied to your message yet? Surely, it only takes a few seconds to send a WhatsApp, right? And what about his ex-girlfriend?

All this overthinking breeds relationship anxiety, putting a serious damper on what should be a delightful, uplifting experience!

What’s intriguing about relationship anxiety is how easily it sneaks up on us. We’re often too immersed in our thoughts to realise what’s really happening.

Six Signs You Have Relationship Anxiety

1. Feeling anxious about where the relationship is headed

Ever found yourself in this situation? You meet someone new, and suddenly, thoughts about the trajectory of the relationship start creeping in. It might only be a few months into dating, but you’re already pondering where things are headed. That sense of unease settles in, making it hard to relax and enjoy the moment without knowing the destination.

Deep down, what we’re truly seeking is a sense of security. However, we often deceive ourselves into believing that knowing where a relationship is heading—whether it’s moving in together, getting married, or starting a family—means we can trust and invest our time and energy into this man and the relationship. Yet, it’s a misunderstanding of what’s truly causing the anxiety. It’s not about the destination itself, but rather the insecure, anxious thoughts surrounding it.

2. Experiencing Anxiety in the Absence of Communication

In today’s digital age, it’s tempting to expect instant communication, isn’t it? But finding yourself anxiously awaiting a reply from your new partner can be a telltale sign of relationship anxiety. Waiting just an hour without hearing back might feel okay, but as time passes, your mind can’t help but wander. If it stretches into hours or even a day without a response, panic mode sets in. Yet, before jumping to conclusions, consider this: he could be caught up in back-to-back meetings or simply prioritising focus over constant texting. Despite seeing that he’s read your message, you’ve already drawn conclusions. The issue with relationship anxiety is that it’s not merely a few fleeting concerns; it transforms into a runaway train of negative assumptions. Suddenly, the focus shifts to worrying if the relationship is faltering or if his feelings aren’t as strong.

3. Initiating Control Over the Relationship

In the early stages of a relationship, uncertainty about its direction can lead to a need for control. Suggestions about future activities like trips, concerts, or getaways start to dominate conversations, overshadowing the joy of being pursued. While it’s true that modern women can take initiative, the thrill of pursuit remains a timeless aspect of romance. Yet, the desire for commitment often overrides this, leading to seeking reassurances. A promise of a future getaway might briefly ease the tension, but the absence of desired signals can trigger worst-case scenarios. Clinginess and neediness emerge as symptoms of deeper relationship anxieties, rooted in fears of abandonment and codependency.

4. Prioritising His Approval Over Your Own Worth

Remember L’Oréal’s iconic tagline, “You’re worth it”? It’s about time you started embodying that sentiment! If you catch yourself obsessing over whether he’s truly interested in you or resorting to Google for signs of attraction, or even turning to astrology for insights, it’s a clear indicator that you’re not prioritising your own self-worth, sister! I’m not here to judge; I’ll be the first to admit guilt (cue the cringe!). But that was a pivotal moment for me, a wake-up call. It made me realise how much power I was relinquishing by fixating on a guy’s level of interest instead of focusing on my own inherent value and self-worth—and staying grounded in that energy.

5. Healing Relationship Anxiety Rooted in Trauma

For those who have navigated through past relationship trauma or endured abuse, lingering scars can cast shadows over new connections, stirring up waves of anxiety. The mind, a repository of memories, carries the weight of past experiences, especially in cases of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or Complex Post Traumatic Stress (CPTSD). Consequently, this may manifest as a persistent sense of unease, an unwillingness to be vulnerable, and an incessant analysis of your partner’s behaviour. Feeling unsafe within your own body becomes a disheartening reality. Yet, amidst the discomfort lies an opportunity for healing. Recognise this relationship anxiety as a signal for the journey toward attracting a nurturing, healthy relationship—one that aligns with your deepest needs and desires.

6. Overcoming the Fear of Expression in Relationships

The fear of speaking up within a relationship is more common than you might think. It often stems from various sources, including past experiences that have etched deep impressions on our psyche. Take, for instance, one of my clients who harboured a deep-seated fear of vocalising her thoughts and needs due to childhood trauma. A domineering primary school teacher’s habit of publicly humiliating pupils left her feeling that it wasn’t safe to speak out in a relationship and voice her thoughts or views. However, through our one-to-one healing, she found the courage to reclaim her voice!. A matter of days after our session she went for a drink with a man she’d recently met. During the evening he displayed rudeness toward a waiter, something which didn’t fit with her values. With unwavering confidence, she expressed her disapproval and gracefully excused herself from his company. Let her story serve as a reminder—a testament to the power of healing and self-discovery.

If you find resonance with any of these signs of relationship anxiety, know that it’s perfectly okay—acknowledgement and self-awareness are the first steps toward transformation, as I know myself all too well.

Ready to conquer relationship anxiety? There are two paths you can take. Dive into personalised healing sessions with me, where we’ll utilise a blend of approaches including hypnotherapy, EFT Tapping, and The MAP Method to transform your relationship anxiety into a sense of security. Alternatively, embark on The Pathway to True Love programme. Book your complimentary consultation now to discover which pathway is the perfect fit for you. Let’s start your journey toward lasting fulfilment in love.

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Sara Maude

Sara Maude is an Edinburgh Hypnotherapist, Solution-Focused Psychotherapist, EFT Practitioner, Transformational Coach and International Wellbeing Trainer providing in-person and online sessions. Sara provides problem-free therapy which goes deep into the heart of the unconscious mind to create powerful lasting change.