If you’re feeling anxious, fed up, in a funk, stuck, overwhelmed or any of the emotions that pull you down, I can guarantee the reason why.
You are looking at your current reality and accepting that as the truth.
As humans, we have become so conditioned to look at the problem, that we find ourselves arguing for our current reality.
We say ‘The problem is‘ or ‘Nothing works for me‘ or ‘I can’t change because….‘ or I should be thinner/more successful/a better parent etc’ or ‘They should be kinder to me’ or ‘My children should do what I tell them’ or ‘this always happens to me’.
The only time you suffer is when you believe a thought that argues with what is.
When you believe a thought that argues with what is, you keep yourself stuck.
The fact is that your current reality is based on the perceptual map and model of the world. All the thoughts and beliefs you have created are, in short, creating your reality.
And so many people never stop to challenge these thoughts. They never question – is this really true?
You can think a thought, and not give it a second thought. You can dismiss a thought, and give it no meaning or power.
But the thoughts that keep you stuck are the ones you cling to, the ones you believe and the ones you keep recycling! Thoughts which have created stories in the mind that you have carried with you until now.
In reality, the concept of carrying anything through time loses its significance because time itself is a construct of human thought.
How To Change Your Current Reality
I invite you to use this process from Byron Katie called ‘The Work’ to help you change your current reality.
1. Start by taking an aspect of your current reality.
This could be your health, your body image, your ability to get up early in the morning, your weight, your relationship with someone, your career, your financial situation, your job – any aspect where you are looking at what is and accepting that as the truth. And by the truth, I mean that it’s causing you to suffer and remain stuck.
2. Then write down all the thoughts you have which are creating this reality.
- My Manager never values what I do
- My job sucks
- I’m a terrible sleeper
- I’ll never be able to turn this situation around
- My partner never listens to what I say
- I can never lose weight
- I always attract the wrong men/women into my life
- I don’t have what it takes to start my own business
- There are no available jobs out there for me
- I’m always trying to make ends meet
- People are always judging me
- I’m too loud
- I’ll always be overweight
- I can never leave this relationship
- I can’t stop binge eating
- I don’t have what it takes to be successful
- My past is always going to haunt me
- I’ll always be anxious
- People don’t respect me
- I’ll never be able to forgive (name) for what they did to me
- I’m useless with technology (or anything you’ve decided you’re useless at!)
3. The Work – Use the following questions to challenge these thoughts and how you are viewing your current reality
1. Is it true? (it’s OK if you answer yes)
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who or what would you be without the thought?
If you’ve been believing these thoughts for some time it’s natural your mind will bombard you with examples where this reality is true!
I’ve sat in front of hundreds of people over the years who have shared with me their current reality, their map of the world and everything they think is true about it. Words such as never, always, I can’t, it’s not possible often make a frequent appearance!
So really challenge that thought in question 2. Even if you only find one example where it’s NOT true – that’s still enough to throw doubt on the thought.
As my own Coach and Mentor, Jamie Smart, said to me ‘The feeling you are living in is all you ever have‘. And how true that is!
Therefore I invite you to take time and sit with the feeling of how you would feel when you’re not believing the thought. Allow your mind to soar above the jagged rocks of reason and use your imagination as a powerful resource to imagine you and your life without that thought.
You have the power to create a whole new reality!
“It’s not the problem that causes our suffering; it’s our thinking about the problem.”
– Byron Katie
Sara Maude is an Edinburgh Hypnotherapist, Solution-Focused Psychotherapist, EFT Practitioner, Transformational Coach and International Wellbeing Trainer providing in-person and online sessions. Sara provides problem-free therapy which goes deep into the heart of the unconscious mind to create powerful lasting change.