Ok so the title of this blog may be more at home in the pages of Cosmopolitan or Marie Claire yet having worked with a number of people looking to find a soul mate, I felt inspired to write some helpful tips, for women in-particular, to understand why they may be self sabotaging their chances of attracting or keeping hold of someone special when they find them.
First things first, what are you actually looking for? Who is your soul mate? When I ask clients looking for love what they want in a man, women or a relationship the response I typically get is a list of all the things that they don’t want, rather than what they do want. How can you find true love if you don’t know what you are looking for? What qualities are you looking for, how do you want to feel when you are with that special someone, what sense of humour should they have, what interests or music will they be into, what values is it important that they hold?
Having got clear in your own mind what you are looking for here are some helpful hints to finding true love and holding onto it when it comes calling……..
One – Love yourself
I listen to women tell me how they don’t like what they see in the mirror, how they don’t think they are attractive, how there are parts of their body that they would like to see replaced or that they don’t feel they have anything interesting to say or offer. How can you expect someone to love you if you don’t love yourself? The most important relationship you have is with yourself.
Start to appreciate what you have got. I recently asked one client to scale out of 10 how much she loved her body and she gave it a 5 out of 10. We started to use EFT (emotional freedom technique) to tap on the feelings she had about her body and in less than ten minutes she had moved up the scale to an 8. Using EFT and reframing the way she was thinking she began to see for the first time what she did have and feel appreciation for it.
Start to look for the things that you do like about yourself and your qualities and hone in on those to boost your self esteem.
Two – Stop looking for ‘perfection’
How would you feel if a partner told you that you weren’t perfect? My guess is that you would feel pretty gutted. So why is it that so many women place so much emphasis and expectation on finding the ‘perfect man’?. And when you find someone who ticks so many of the boxes, you still focus in on the little things that you don’t like or that he hasn’t got? True love is finding the best in one another every day, flaws included.
Three – Don’t lose yourself
Have you ever done anything to please a partner that didn’t make you feel good? Perhaps you have started to wear certain items of clothing that aren’t really you, but think that your new beau may find you attractive in.
Remember who it was that he or she was attracted to in the first place – YOU. You may think that your new partner will find you more attractive if you dress a certain way or start taking a keen interest in the abseiling, but it’s your authentic self that is sexier than anything.
Four – Not all men (or women) are equal
So your last partner was less than perfect and didn’t treat you well and you still feel angry about it. Don’t let that anger seep into your new relationship. Making peace with your past relationships is the key to letting go of all that old emotion, leaving you free to start afresh. EFT (emotional freedom technique) and hypnotherapy are both brilliant ways of doing this and can allow you to let go of negative emotion in less time than it takes to scoff a box of chocolates – and is a far healthier way of dealing with your emotions!
Five – Stop obsessing
Would you go into a meltdown if your best friend didn’t text you for a few days? No. So don’t start obsessing if your new man doesn’t text or call for a few days!
Six – Live in the now
You wouldn’t drive a car looking through the rear view mirror, so stop looking back at the things that may have gone wrong in the past. Yet equally don’t spend too much time living a future that hasn’t even happened. Enjoy what you have now, in the moment. Take time out to appreciate what you have and how precious it is. Life is a gift, so don’t forget to live it.